Today was beach day and it was fun. Not much to write about but I had a great time. Jc and N came over after the beach and I made them dinner which was apparently 'surprisingly good'.
Lol N and I went to cabarita park to make out yet to bump into Nm from uni. He was there... Omg. I'm hoping that he didn't see us otherwise it could have been an embarrassing ordeal. (Nm is a good looking guy from my uni who's kind of suspicious if you know what I mean *wink wink*) oh well. Sent via BlackBerry® from Vodafone
I'm looking forward to going to the beach with N and J from uni. They're like 2 of the closest people to me if E were to come as well. At this rate, the forecast for tomorrow will be 29 rain but sunny so hopefully it will alter and just be 29 sunny. I've also volunteered to cook them dinner instead of my usual taking them out and shouting everyone because my bank account contains $4.88 due to the high cost of N's Christmas present. Oh well it went to good use and plus it would be something different I suppose ha. Now to have my midnight snack and probably watch a DVD before bed. I'm bored. Night!!!!
So I've injured another boring day alone. I have decided to kill time washing my car yet to find out that it was going to rain later tonight. How annoying. So after all my hard work its back to being dirty. Eh I can't be bothered bitching about the faux-pas' of my day but other than I'm going to let it slide. I really don't care... I'm not insecure anymore :D
So what''s up with facebook? It's becoming so annoying. I woke up this morning to go on facebook to find that I have 0 friends and my homepage was screwed. WTF. Hahahaha
Ahh there are so many things that annoy me. Some of which are on my list is facebook chat. It sucks. Sucks sucks sucks. And my internet isn't great help either, it keeps crashing or whatever and I always have to wait a minute or two and restart my safari. It so annoying when your doing something so important. Mmm maybe technology isn't on my side after all lol. It never has been.
Each phone I've ever had since I was about 14 has failed somehow. Lol I mean I treat my technology with respect and all but it all fucks up in the end. But when I give it away for fucking up it works fine and I see it at a primary resource. Ahhh wait! Except for my Motorola, now that was one piece of technology that lasted me. Even my current blackberry is screwy. Good but screwy.
Anyway nightttyal.
Sent via BlackBerry® from Vodafone
Woohoo! I got my Sony Vaio laptop back which I sent in for repairs (yay 2 laptops), and now successfully set up blogging from my mobile. Mmmm looks like technology is going my way for once. Today has been an alright day for me. Still uneventful but successful in a way that I have a feeling of satisfaction. Although the day hasn't ended since it is only 5:07PM here there should be more to come. BRB!
So not much happened since my last post besides I picked him up and tried to set up my sony. Haha it's like it's a new computer so I guess I won't be fucking this one up this time... Windows arrgh!
Waking up in comfort next to him, we talked and talked and talked (yep that was pretty much my day). Watched Toy Story 1 and 2 last night which was a bit of fun but other than that, nothing really happened. Oh, we also watched The Birdcage. Talked talked talked etc, whatever I just don't feel like blogging today haha.
Oh and leading on from my last post... Yes it's just my insecurity. It's all sorted and everything is fine :D
YAY!
Ugh, why won't they call me? I've been waiting to hear back from a job for the past few days and they haven't called. It's my goal to be part-time employed by next week but at this rate, is doubtful and rocky.
Ps. I had to change my URL from 'noobphoenix' to 'phoenix116' as I just found out that like everybody I know started reading my posts. I mean everybody. N put it on facebook and I thought nobody saw it but seems as it they did, hahaha. I mean it's good that people read it but I think a bit too much people...
I'm bored. I have nothing to do. I'm currently laying on my bed listening to Devil's Eyes (Classixx Remix) by: Drop The Lime and I seriously have nothing better to do. I was to make several important phone calls but I can not remember what or who they were for. I've done one of them which was to the company that hold my anxiety for a job... Hopefully I get it :D
Hmmm might go search for my lunch and watch a dvd BRB!
Back from lunch. Red Rooster 'cheesy nuggets' are good! Had a 12 pack meal for lunch. No what to do? BRB.
So I've been listening to music on shuffle in my iTunes and have come across several tracks of which it's my first time hearing. They sound good. Haha i love it when I find music on my computer I've never heard of before. BRB.
Okay so I've now watched Chicago, chatted with my mum and now at his house chatting and listening too all this new music I've found on my computer (which apparently I've given to him already BRB.
I have no petrol BRB.
So whatever, he says he can't have fun with me because I take things the wrong way. I thought we were past all this shit and now referring to what I have previously said I'm whipped in love and it hurts. I keep trying and trying to please him but I don't know anymore. I get the impression now that I'm not wanted, yet it could be my insecurity talking, I don't know. I'm confused and disoriented and now as I sit in his room while be try's to sleep I can sense the tension. No more typing, he might get further annoyed :( Until tomorrow... Night!
Back, I just can't sleep. It hurts me, "I can never have any fun with you like I do other people". I get it now why I feel he treats me like shit; it's because he does and that says why. He's so much nicer and accommodating to others over me. Please say I'm over reacting!!!!
I have spent my day today with the main purpose of buying my present for my significant other in paddington. While there I met up with a uni friend to have lunch and discuss about our lives apart from university. This included lunch of which was a cookie sundae and a snack which was a bottle of coke. I really haven't eaten anything proper today as my meals consists of chocolate.
Okay, so were in the ksubi shop trying on a pair of jeans of which I will gift to my significant other (we are the sae size), where I have come to realise that the pair that I wanted is stocked also at General Pants, I mean whats the point of driving all this way to buy a pair of jeans I can by from my local shops. So instead I chose the more expensive, skinnier better looking pair which has now left me with $4.87 cents in my savings account. Going through the ordeal of having absolute no money I get invited for dessert with my cousins.
Going along with thats happening in my day, I drive to his work to pick him up but because of afternoon traffic (on a Sunday... weird) I'm late. I extend my apologise to him for making him wait 20 minutes. (Okay so if you've been reading, I'm in a relationship with another guy but I'm not gay. I'm bi.) After maxing out my savings all happy to see him, all he wants me to do is to drop him off at home and fuck off. I mean, uhh. I really wanted to sit and chat about his day mine; call me corny but this is who I am. We then discussed on the phone for a bit leading into an argument where apparently I treat him like 'poo and am very annoying. I mean WTF I'm only being nice. This topic as an argument has risen too much and I just can't take it. It's very frustrating trying to be with someone when your doing your absolute best and the other person is not liking it. He's just too hard to please that I've come to the conclusion that I don't know what to do anymore.
I would like some confuckingsideration of all the things I go through (which is utterly my choice of course - non obliged) but instead I get some add to injury. I really hate it especially when I try and sort things out with him then he hangs up the phone and refuses to answer (when I recall) unless I send a text begging to pick up. I do not like being under he's fingers. I'm not he's bitch. I just get really affected by actions like this that everything blocks out and sometimes I result in violence. Violence to myself that is, I'm not one to harm anyone intensionally or to take my anger out on anyone)
It just really upsets me when stuff like this happens because I feel as if I'm trying too hard for something that I can never strive to achieve.
This adds onto my insecurity about my relationship and if it's heading in the right way because he treats others better than he treats me. (Funny enough he admits it as well) I just don't know what to do. I'm whipped in love and it hurts.
So to get my frustration out I take up on the offer for dessert but intend not to buy anything as I have no money. This is when the consideration of family members kicks in as my cousin who I barely see because she lives in the other side of the country, pays for my $15.00 meal and gives me $20 spending money.
I just feel so pathetic that others have to put up with my mess because of my stupid mind set that makes in just decisions. I'd like to thank everyone that has had to pull an extra weight in order to assist me when clearly I shouldn't be helped. This shows how there is apparent good in everyone. I've just got to see the good in him and in myself. Where is it?
*Sigh* I can't find the original 5:01 version of this song but here.
FUCK my posts are boring and useless. I should really start opening up here after all I've created it to express myself. I have noticed that I have a lot of flaws in myself which in turn lead me into thinking negatively about the world around me... But who cares! I don't ha.
I have this theory that if it doesn't effect you, why should you bother as your are just wasting your time. It works well as it's none of they're business unless the person advertises it.
While I'm in a semi-mood of exposing my personal flaws, I have a big trust issues as I've felt 'screwed over' so to speak in the past over a sense of trust to some people.
I also have a slight insecurity which lately has been driving me insane emotionally (that's all I'll say), and who while I'm at it, I'll touch on my slight inferiority. Don't get me wrong, I've been described as 'one of the most sociable people you'll ever meet' and I tend to make friends very easily. Just some of the stuff I try to not hide. I am 'human after all' hahaha.
Ahhh... Also don't you think it's stupid to gossip about people you don't see or hold any form of contact with at university/college level? Immaturity at this extent in intolerable lol.
And continuing fron yesterday, it's HOT. Waking up was a treat as I had in my room one of the greatest person's on earth I've ever met. We spent the day in the city having Pad Si 'ewwwww' for lunch and then heading to the apple store where we spent copious amounts of hours. Adding on to what happened yesterday I returned the Bruno DVD I rented (on fucking time for once) and took out The Lion King to watch. A tear may have shed when Simba's Dad died LOL. Well I cried in Bambi so w.e. Nothing really important to speak of my day but I might have gotten a speeding ticket. For fuck sake, 72km/h in a 60 zone, down a bloody hill at 12:16AM where the cops were hiding in the shrub land on the side of the road. I mean c'mon isn't it illegal?
I post the question are Policemen really allowed to hide in the literal bushes, and catch you going down a hill after accelerating up one and about to go up another, in spite to catch you? It's fucking ridiculous. If I end up getting a ticket in the mail it's just all going to add up to the ever so increasing list of expenses I have for the following month. I need a job. Why won't I get any return mail from jobs? Gaah.
My name is Jullian and I am a twenty year old male residing in Sydney. I am currently undertaking tertiary education at The University of Notre Dame Australia, studying a Bachelor of Marketing & Public Relations.
